Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Anna Nicole Has Become an Old South Park Episode

A few days ago, a gap was filled in that made the Anna Nicole Smith legacy one step closer to the South Park multi-episode saga that promised to tell us who Eric Cartman’s father was.

Cartman’s mother had sex with nearly every man in town, so there was all this doubt about who Cartman’s father was. The possible scenarios were played from each potential father’s point of view and on 2/25/1998 we were left with a cliffhanger at the end of the season. We were promised the answer at the beginning of the new season, scheduled for 4/1/1998.

On 4/1/1998, the creators of South Park gave us an entirely irrelevant episode, and made us wait until 4/22/1998 to give us the conclusion “Cartman’s Mom is Still a Dirty Slut”. Even the time line is working out to be comparable.

At that point we learned that Cartman’s Father was Cartman’s hermaphrodite mother. Although there is no evidence of this particular twist, what happened a few days ago? Among other things, a woman came forward, declaring that SHE had had an affair with Anna Nicole. Mercifully, she has not claimed to be the father. Would anyone have been surprised if she had?

How is Danielynn’s life to-date different from a South Park episode? Sadly, to-date, it is not.

More to the point, let the woman rest in peace already (This means you, Mom.), get the daughter to her real father (This means you Howard, and whatever judge is up for an audition next.) so she can live as normal a life as is possible under the circumstances, and allow us to get on with addressing the problems that threaten to annihilate us?

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