The Politically Correct Alphabet

It’s not going to be long now before we face a threat more threatening to civilization than global warming. We’re going to run out of alphabet due to political correctness. In the beginning, there was the “N-word” – OK. As we have “progressed” through the PC evolution, we have unspeakable words for most of our letters. We have a few particularly naughty letters for which we have multiple words, the most notorious of which is “C.” When someone refers to the “C” word, I sometimes think about it for a minute or two just for kicks and then guess which “C-word” they were referring to rather than waste even more of my life continuing a counterproductive mini-quest.

In the past few weeks we have, thanks to Don Imus and Al Sharpton, added a new wrinkle to the politically correct alphabet - another “N” word – “nappy”, another “H” word – “Ho”, and 2 “N” phrases “nappy-headed” and “nappy-headed ho.” I assume a word or phrase has been added whenever someone loses a job over the word or phrase.

So let’s see how much of the alphabet we have left for use. A, B, C, D, F, G, H, J, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, and T are taken. So far as I know we still have E, I, K, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z available. I can actually think of a word or two for some of those remaining letters, but they haven’t been mainstreamed by actual news stories, documented offenses, or firings yet, but they will – never fear.

Although, PC-ness has always been a pain in the A--, at its beginning, it had a noble purpose – to keep from unnecessarily and unfairly offending people. It has, of course, like all noble endeavors, been turned over to the lunatic fringe to take too far. How can you possibly take a noble endeavor too far?

For one thing, you can decide that you don’t want to offend the lunatic fringe, who will take over given the slightest opportunity. Let’s get one thing straight – the lunatic fringe deserves to be offended. Why? - Because they are lunatics. I really shouldn’t have needed to explain that. However, if that’s not enough of a reason, the nature of the lunatic fringe is to make absolutely certain that their interests are served – fully and to the exclusion of all others’ interests – much like radical Islamic terrorists. That will, by definition offend all moderates at some point and “PC” will become a “PITA”, and it has. It has also become a tool for hiding truth and logic as well as delaying or blocking the addressing of real issues – like a doctor who prescribes cough medicine for lung cancer.

For example, it is unacceptable to say the actual “N” word, but it is acceptable to say “the ‘N’ word.” It means the same thing, except that saying “the ‘N’ word” conveys the message that you yourself are offended by the actual “N” word, which is usually BS. So PC-ness has, in a very real sense, created a lie and forced you to tell it. You have not really addressed the issue, which should have been to accept and value people for their uniqueness, including those differences that are not under their control and don’t matter in anything other than a Darwinian evolutionary context. In many instances it has exacerbated the problem by delaying a real solution; problems not addressed, get worse.

For another, PC-ness assumes that people are less tolerant than they otherwise would be. When you lower expectations of tolerance, some people in every offend-able group will live down to your expectations as well as demanding that you lower your expectations even more. If you do, you will offend moderates who you will never, ever lower you expectation of tolerance for. If you don’t, you will offend those demanding that you do. Either way, “PC” will (and has) become a “PITA.”

So in closing, let me say that I JCHFS with my OL and HAB, and if you spend more than a microsecond trying to figure that one out you’re an F’ing Idiot, or should I say FI. Oops, there went another letter. We certainly don’t want to offend idiots.

Translation: I just came home from shopping with my old lady and had a blast. I’m pretty certain that will offend somebody, somewhere.